Driving Me Crazy

A poem about flubbing up on the road.

I am an excellent driver today.

I don’t know whoever thought

I should be trusted with such a mammoth heap of metal.

The handsomely polished demon,

left to my shaking, feverish hands.

I guess that when you turn 16,

it’s expected of you.

You’re supposed to look out the windshield

attentive and assured,

ready to take on whatever hits the asphalt.

However, some avoid the words “driving school” at all cost.

The flimsy drivers manual never seemed

to want to stay in my hands too long,

and my ears retreated when I was told to practice.

The driving instructors offering to bum me

cigarettes never really helped me grasp

the best way to make a three-point turn.

Stuck on my folding chair in a room with

about 30 other sweet sixteen's,

I tried to find comfort

viewing the serene images placed in the

slide shows of victims of crashes.

“Better watch out!” they harp,

“this could easily be you!”

Yes, because I look just like

a stiff crash-test dummy.

Although, maybe I do because

now my face is just as expressionless.

I get more pained as the months go by,

taking notes on right turns and what animals

it’s okay to kill,

until I was face to face with the portly man sitting beside me.

I played with all the gadgets and gizmos until he looks

satisfied, and we’re off to the races.

Sailing down a black river,

he tries to make small talk with me.

School studies, favorite hobbies, comfort foods,

anything really but the sunny yellow paper on his lap,

like a diary tracking all my mistakes.

After faking our joyride, I went to make

my turn back to my father, who waited with wide eyes.

His daughter, the driver. Sweet, so promising.

Look to the left, peer to the right.

It’s clear, so clear, like my head, like...

SLAM. “DID YOU SEE THAT CAR COMING?”

My eyes and my brain had crappy communication skills.

An x inks its way around the piece of paper,

and my father can only offer a hug,

close and comforting.

The car, that bastard, and I lacked logic in our relationship for some time, but eventually, he steered me to victory.

What a delight, I found, it was to sit, stuck on my folding chair, with about 30 other sweet sixteens, at the glorious DMV.